“When you concentrate on improving yourself – you’ll have no time to criticize others ”
I have a friend that asks me “Aren’t you self-improved yet?”.
I personally do not think we are ever “self-improved”.
Life is a journey. It is up to us make it what we want it to be. We are in charge of our own destination. We are the one that creates the roads we take, the tunnels we dig, the mountains we climb and every turn of the road that we make.
If you are ready and willing to spend so much time improving yourself that you won’t have time to criticize others – then you are at the beginning of a happier, fuller life.
First lets look at why people criticize others…
In my experience I have come to believe that people criticize others for the following reasons (usually on a subconscious level):
- They truly believe their way is better and can’t see that there are thousands of ways to reach the desired result.
- They are trying to control or change the other person.They criticize others that have similar faults of their own.
- They are unhappy and want to bring others down with them.
The key to stop criticizing is ACCEPTANCE. Accepting and Loving your true self as well as Accepting and Loving others for who they are.
It’s important to remember that EACH and EVERY ONE of us makes our decisions based on where we are at the present moment. We take into account previous outcomes of every choice we have made. We are all growing and learning at a different pace. Trying to force someone to grow faster makes as much sense as thinking that a 2 year old should have the same mentality as a 20 year old.
Criticizing others is not a good characteristic for anyone to have. It is not healthy for you or for the person you are criticizing. When you find yourself criticizing someone, STOP and ask yourself …
- “Is this one of my bad habits that I need to work on?”
“Am I being totally loving and accepting of them – as I’d want them to be of me?”
Now on to Improving yourself …
The first thing you’ll need to do is take a good long hard look at yourself. You’ll want to make the following lists:
- What characteristics and traits do you like about yourself? (Are you loving, compassionate, love children etc).
- What characteristics and traits need improvement? (anger management, bad habits like biting your nails, impatient etc)
- List your strengths and weaknesses (math, reading, writing, communication, mechanical, organization)
Where most people go wrong is they immediately start to work on their weaknesses. This is not the way to go. You’ll just be aggravating yourself and more than likely setting yourself up for failure. It’s important to know your weaknesses – so you can find an expert to help you out with that area. An example:
I am the most un-mechanical person I have ever met. In fact, in High School an aptitude test I took stated I have 0 mechanical ability. In the past, I used to struggle with some of the simplest things. I tried and tried to learn basic mechanics – like changing a flat tire. All this did was aggravate me and put me in a bad mood. It made me feel stupid and incapable. The person teaching me got aggravated and started yelling at me .. Why couldn’t I understand such a simple concept?
It took me a while to accept myself just as I am. If something seems mechanical I won’t attempt it (at least not for very long). If it’s too difficult for me, I pass it on to someone who is an expert. It doesn’t mean that I am not smart. It just means this is not one of the gifts that I have acquired. I have chosen to concentrate on my strengths and gifts that make me uniquely me.
Next you’ll want to take the list of things that you would like to improve. Do you have any strengths or weaknesses that would help or hasten your improvement? At first you want to choose traits that will be easier for you to change based on your strengths.
Now you have a list that you can start working on right away. Concentrate all your efforts on it. Don’t allow yourself time to get bogged down by negativity or by criticizing others.
Once you feel you’ve got a good grip on the first thing on your list, go on to the next. You’ll want to write new lists every month or two. You’ll be surprised at how your “improvement list” changes and grows over time.
Some of the things that have helped me grow and become a better person is meditating, listening to Centerpointe recordings, and constantly listening to CDs by the experts … Most of my favorites can be found at Nightingale Conant.