“True forgiveness is not an action after the fact, it is an attitude with which you enter each moment.” David Ridge
3 Myths About Forgiveness:
1. Forgiveness means you condone the behavior of the person.
2. Forgiveness means you have to maintain a relationship with the person.
3. Forgiveness means that you forget about the incident.
All of these are absolutely untrue!!!
Forgiveness is releasing your own pain and anger over the past. It’s a choice to live in the present – It’s choosing to let go of whom was right or wrong. Forgiveness gives you the freedom to live your life and not allowing someone else to control it. If you are holding on to the anger and hurt you are allowing the person to continuously hurt you over and over again.
“Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.” Sara Paddison
If you are finding it difficult to let go and to forgive, you might find the following forgiveness techniques helpful.
Forgiveness Technique 1. Write a letter to the person,explaining your hurts, your anger and your opnion. Let them have it. Then burn the letter or flush it down the toilet while affirming “I choose to forgive your actions and will not allow them to control my life any more.”
Forgiveness Technique 2. Be grateful for all the valuable lessons you have learned from the situation. You could affirm “I am grateful that this situation has happened because it has made me a better person by …(fill in the blank). I now choose to forgive and to concentrate on my life.
Forgiveness Technique 3. Allow yourself to feel. Feel all the hurt, all the pain. Let it out. Cry your heart out over the pain. Once you’re done affirm “I have let go of the hurt and anger that has enslaved me. I now choose to live in the present and to release the past.”
Forgiveness Technique 4. Go somewhere quiet. Close your eyes and imagine the person that hurt you as a small baby and/or a small child. They did nothing but crave love and affection. They ahd a pure heart. They were innocent. They wished no one ill or harm. Affirm to yourself “I choose to forgive … Their hurtful acts were due to their own wounds and had nothing to do with me.”
You also need to remember to forgive yourself. Don’t beat yourself up mentally for things you might have said or did or for things you wish you would have said or did. Clear out your mind and learn to love and accept yourself just as you are. Meditation is great way to get in tune with your inner self. Forgiving yourself empowers you to create the changes you want in your life by accepting full responsibility for your thoughts and actions.
Forgiveness is not a “one time fix”. Often times you will need to forgive the person all over again each time you think of the situation. In time the anger and bitterness will be a thing of the past and you can look at the situation with a peaceful heart and truly wish those that hurt you well.
When you fail to forgive, you are actually turning your back on your back on a better future. You do not want to create a future for yourself that is full of anger, hatred and resentment. FORGIVE – Keep your head up and your heart open as you walk forward in your life, creating a future that will lead to love, health and happiness!
“Forgiveness is the economy of the heart… forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.” Hannah Moore