Confidence is something everyone struggles with from time to time. It can be scary to venture out and try something new, be it a new job, a new relationship, beginning a family or moving to a different area. Other life events that may interfere with your level of confidence is ending a relationship, a job that you hate, losing a job and kids going off to college.
Life is ALL about change. Nothing is the same today as it was yesterday. This is why you will never be 100 percent confident — there’s always something new or different to learn and try. The sad thing is that there confidence busters that can keep you stuck and prevent you from growing to your full potential. Be aware of them and turn them around to be confident boosters instead …
Top 5 Confidence Busters
Feeling Out of Control
Do you lack confidence because you feel out of control? Most of us are “trained” to believe that life just happens. Some people are lucky and some are not. We are told that people over 50 can’t get jobs, that the economy is bad – the unemployment rate is high, there are no good men (or women) left out there, that life is hard work etc. With these beliefs cemented in your subconscious, you live day to day reacting to circumstances and people around you.
The TRUTH is that YOU do have control. Your reality – what you see around you – is based on your beliefs and your perceptions. Once you realize this, you begin thinking thoughts and taking actions that create the reality you want. For instance if you are in a job that you hate, there is no reason for you to stay there a minute longer than necessary – All that is required is for you to determine what you want to do, the steps to get there and taking action everyday, such as taking night classes to learn skills needed, completing applications, talking to people in the field you want to be in and when the time is right, you will be able to say good-bye to the job you hate and begin one that you enjoy. The alternative is to do nothing and go to work day after day at a job you despise while it is killing the flame inside of you.
You feel out of control because you are looking at the outside – the circumstance, instead look inside at your passions and your desires and listen to your inner-voice. By following your heart and taking action, you will soon see that you are indeed in control of your life.
Perfection is a myth. It is unattainable. There is no one perfect, yet we are all perfect in our imperfections. Believing that you need to be perfect and that mistakes are not an option can bust your confidence all to pieces. Every time you do something you see all the flaws and none of the beauty in what you have created. You may compare your work to other peoples work and constantly condemn your own. It’s hard to accept compliments because you feel it’s not perfect.
The TRUTH is that you are perfect just the way you are. You are the sum total of all of your thoughts and experiences up to this point. Stop getting in your own way by expecting perfection. Do you see the flaws in other people as much as you see them in yourself? Probably not. Something to remember is that other people do not expect perfectionism from you.
All procrastination is – is an excuse not to do what you know in your heart needs to be done in order for you to achieve success. You probably procrastinate because you are afraid of failure or success. If you don’t begin then no one can judge you. If you don’t begin then you don’t need to be concerned about it being perfect.
The TRUTH is that you are worthy of success, of love, of achieving your dreams. Face your fears with one small baby step, then another and another. If you think back, you will more than likely think of many times, that you were afraid to start something or thought that it would be boring, after taking the first step, you picked up momentum and had a pleasurable time and enjoyed the final outcome. Remember every journey – no matter how small – begins with the first step.
A person that is constantly thinking of the past, is living in the past. This also includes replaying happy times over and over in your head. If you are constantly wishing “life was like it used to be,” or “I should’ve, could’ve done or said this,” you are surrendering to something that you truly have no control of – the past. The past is gone. It can not be changed or altered in any way shape or form.
The TRUTH is that by conditioning yourself to look at the present moment, you can and will create a brighter future. Instead of dwelling on past fights, look at what is around you right this second, and remember that “All is Well!”. Use this mantra or a similar one, when you begin to fret about the past. Get out a piece of paper and write down 10 things you are grateful for, right this moment. Live in the NOW, it is all that you have.
Be aware of your thoughts. Negative thinking will never get you anywhere good. If you constantly think that you are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, capable enough … you will continue to bring unwanted things into your life, due to your deep rooted belief that you are not worthy of good things. If you constantly think “My husband doesn’t care for me, he ignores me, doesn’t enjoy my company” etc, you will act in a way that will cause him not to want to be around you. Your thoughts create your words and actions and your actions affect everyone and everything around you.
The TRUTH is that you can change your thinking. Just be aware of your thoughts and when a negative thought comes up, replace it with a positive one. You may also want to get out a pen and paper and list every negative thought you can think of and then consciously rewrite it in the positive. Another idea is to periodically check in on your thoughts and write down exactly what you are thinking. It’s almost miraculous the way things seem to change around you once you begin focusing on the positive within you and the positive in other people and things.