It’s been a while since I’ve posted. My brother passed away March 26 due to a vehicle accident. I’m just now getting back into the swing of things.
It seems when someone passes away it brings on a whole new wave of emotions both old and new.
Their are 5 stages of grief that we go through when someone passes away. 1. Denial and Isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.
My brother was an alcoholic. Ultimately it was the alcohol that killed him. I think I was stuck in the “Anger” stage the longest. Angry that he choose to go down the wrong path and not utilize all the fantastic gifts he had.
Sometimes when a loved one dies, we feel guilt. I felt a lot of guilt after my brother died. Guilt that I didn’t do something to help him. I know that he put the bottle in his own hands – but at the time I kept thinking if I would have said or done something that maybe I could have changed things. This is really an odd thought if you think about it logically – because we do not have the power to control another human being.
During my depressed states I would remember the abuse we suffered as children. My brother got the worst of the abuse and I being 4 years younger witnessed most of it. Read How Alcohol killed my brother.
Going back to work and settling into your normal routine really helps the grieving process.
A few days after I returned to work I was having a rather bad/sad day. I was remembering some abuse my brother suffered as a child at the hands of my father …
A co-worker saw my pain, talked to me for a few minutes and then sent me the following note:
Sometimes I have been so down here and you have brought me up when I have really needed it. Just a hug or a smile or a goofy little remark from you has always lightened the load I was carrying on that particular day.
So in a way your childhood trauma has benefited me, it has made you super sensitive to peoples pain.
I just wanted to give you affirmation as to “things happen for a reason”. I think you are one of the most wonderful people I have met in my life; You care so passionately about the things that REALLY MATTER in life.
I just wanted to say thank you for being a bright spot in my life.
I share this with you in hopes that you too – will lighten someone’s load some day.
We all go through trials – and knowing someone cares and appreciates you can really brighten your day. Try to lighten someones load each day of your life…