I have a friend that asks me “Aren’t you self-improved yet?”.

I personally do not think we are ever “self-improved”.

Life is a journey. It is up to us make it what we want it to be. We are in charge of our own destination. We are the one that creates the roads we take, the tunnels we dig, the mountains we climb and every turn of the road that we make.

If you are ready and willing to spend so much time improving yourself that you won’t have time to criticize others – then you are at the beginning of a happier, fuller life.

First lets look at why people criticize others…

In my experience I have come to believe that people criticize others for the following reasons (usually on a subconscious level):

• They truly believe their way is better and can’t see that there are thousands of ways to reach the desired result.
• They are trying to control or change the other person.They criticize others that have similar faults of their own.
• They are unhappy and want to bring others down with them.

The key to stop criticizing is ACCEPTANCE. Accepting and Loving your true self as well as Accepting and Loving others for who they are.

It’s important to remember that EACH and EVERY ONE of us makes our decisions based on where we are at the present moment. We take into account previous outcomes of every choice we have made. We are all growing and learning at a different pace. Trying to force someone to grow faster makes as much sense as thinking that a 2 year old should have the same mentality as a 20 year old.

Criticizing others is not a good characteristic for anyone to have. It is not healthy for you or for the person you are criticizing. When you find yourself criticizing someone, STOP and ask yourself …

• “Is this one of my bad habits that I need to work on?”

• “Am I being totally loving and accepting of them – as I’d want them to be of me?”

Now on to Improving yourself …

The first thing you’ll need to do is take a good long hard look at yourself. You’ll want to make the following lists:

• What characteristics and traits do you like about yourself? (Are you loving, compassionate, love children etc).
• What characteristics and traits need improvement? (anger management, bad habits like biting your nails, impatient etc)
• List your strengths and weaknesses (math, reading, writing, communication, mechanical, organization)

Where most people go wrong is they immediately start to work on their weaknesses. This is not the way to go. You’ll just be aggravating yourself and more than likely setting yourself up for failure. It’s important to know your weaknesses – so you can find an expert to help you out with that area. An example:

I am the most un-mechanical person I have ever met. In fact, in High School an aptitude test I took stated I have 0 mechanical ability. In the past, I used to struggle with some of the simplest things. I tried and tried to learn basic mechanics – like changing a flat tire. All this did was aggravate me and put me in a bad mood. It made me feel stupid and incapable. The person teaching me got aggravated and started yelling at me .. Why couldn’t I understand such a simple concept?

It took me a while to accept myself just as I am. If something seems mechanical I won’t attempt it (at least not for very long). If it’s too difficult for me, I pass it on to someone who is an expert. It doesn’t mean that I am not smart. It just means this is not one of the gifts that I have acquired. I have chosen to concentrate on my strengths and gifts that make me uniquely me.

Next you’ll want to take the list of things that you would like to improve. Do you have any strengths or weaknesses that would help or hasten your improvement? At first you want to choose traits that will be easier for you to change based on your strengths.

Now you have a list that you can start working on right away. Concentrate all your efforts on it. Don’t allow yourself time to get bogged down by negativity or by criticizing others.

Once you feel you’ve got a good grip on the first thing on your list, go on to the next. You’ll want to write new lists every month or two. You’ll be surprised at how your “improvement list” changes and grows over time.

Some of the things that have helped me grow and become a better person is meditating, listening to Centerpointe recordings, and constantly listening to CDs by the experts … Most of my favorites can be found at Nightingale Conant.

Feeling accepted makes us feel like we’re “OK”. We are part of the crowd …
You need to know that feeling accepted isn’t as critical as accepting ourselves.

When we accept ourselves, our self-confidence booms.  We’re happier and more pleasant to be around …

The end result?  We begin feeling accepted by our peers.  People begin to accept us simply because we ACCEPT ourselves.

We need to know who we are and what we want in life.

What do you like?

What do you dislike?

So often we base our likes and dislikes on other peoples opinions. For example for years I used to say my favorite color was blue. That’s because my ex’s favorite color was blue. After I left him and became more in tune with myself, I discovered that my favorite color is purple.

It also reminds me of the movie “Runaway Bride”.

Richard Gere is a reporter, and is doing a story on Julia Roberts. He is trying to determine why she constantly runs away, ditching her groom at the altar.

When he interviews her jilted lovers, he discovers that Julia told each man that she liked her eggs cooked exactly the same way they did.

In one scene Richard Gere is trying to help Julia Roberts find herself. He has her eating poached eggs, scrambled eggs, fried eggs etc until she decides how she likes them. His purpose is to help her accept herself.

Feeling accepted was so important to the Runaway Bride, that she behaved the way others wanted her to, and never took the time to discover her true self.

Are you living in the shadows of other peoples expectations?

How well do you really know yourself?
Take this Free Personality Quiz to begin your path to self-discovery.

At work I got some rather bad news through the grapevine. What really bothered me is that my manager didn’t have the guts to tell me to my face.

I felt really disrespected as an individual. I should be used to it by now. I’ve worked there for 8 years and constantly compare it to my old job. My old job knew how to treat people. Everyone felt respected and valued there.

But, here – well they just don’t care. I live in a small town so jobs aren’t easy to come by – so I’m stuck in my current job until I’m in a position to move.

So, I came home from wok and had a good cry. Besides making you feel tired crying releases all the tension built up in you. It also allows you to really feel your emotions.

Once you accept your feelings, you can put them in the past and move on with your life. You can choose to become a happier positive person.

Now that I’ve had my cry, I feel more confident. I know that what I experienced today is just a temporary setback. It makes me more determined to reach my goal of having my own business. I’m just waiting for the day I can say “Take this job and shove it”.

Don’t get me wrong – I love my work. I love helping people in need. It’s one of the reasons I started this blog. However, sometimes my co-workers and all the “politics” within the office can be quite challenging.

If you’re like me and at a job you don’t like then go on over to Job.com and Post your resume. You can also Search 1000’s of Jobs FREE!

Or if you desire to learn how to make money online, you must read The Super Affiliate Handbook by Rosalind Gardner. She tells you how she earns $500,000 plus per year – selling other peoples stuff online!

We need to feel connected to other people.

We need to feel love and acceptance.

Naturally the first relationships we have are with our parents. We look to them care and nurture us. We learn so much from them – good and bad depending upon their beliefs and morals.

As we grow older we develop friendships – both platonic and romantic.

Many of us become parents ourselves.

We continue to learn from every person we develop a relationship with.

And then there are acquaintances – people we know. We might hang out with them some times, but their lives don’t really intertwine with ours. They’re usually not our first choice to go to dinner with. Their life struggles don’t personally affect us in any way.

We learn to share. We learn team-work. We develop likes and dislikes.

We tend to gravitate towards people we look up to. This could also be people we fear.

I always told my kids, “Be careful of who you hang out with, because you will develop some of their traits.”

It’s just human nature. I think that’s one of the reasons why it’s so easy for couples to finish each others sentences. The more time you spend with some one, the more like them you become.

I believe that the relationships we have with others determines our true character. Family and friends will be there in our times of struggle – strangers and acquaintances will scarcely be seen.

In the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” Clarence the Angel writes
“Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends.”

With friends and people by our side we can accomplish anything.

It’s important that we build strong relationships with those we love. They are the ones that matter the most to us. We should always treat them as such. Never take them for granted.

Value the unique aspect of each individual. Can you imagine how boring life would be if we were all the same?

Treat everybody with respect. Accept people where they are. Allow them to make their own choices in life.

Remember you can’t change anyone but yourself so …

Concentrate on being the best person and the best friend you can be – and you’ll have no problem establishing and retaining real long lasting relationships.

Our feelings in themselves are not good or bad. They just are. You shouldn’t ever let anyone tell you how you should feel about any given circumstance.

Each person reacts to any given situation based on their past experiences. Our emotions are directly related to adaptive behavior and are designed to increase our survival instinct.

According to American psychologist Robert Plutchik every feeling we have is derived from the following eight primary emotions …

Acceptance – the feeling of being liked/loved just as you are. Giving credence to your thoughts, actions and beliefs.

Anger – a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance

Anticipation – a feeling of pleasure (and sometimes anxiety) in considering some expected or longed-for good event, or irritation at having to wait.

Disgust – typically associated with things that are perceived as unclean, inedible or infectious.

Fear – a powerful, unpleasant feeling of risk or danger, either real or imagined.

Joy – a feeling of pleasure; a source of happiness.

Sadness – a state of unhappiness and hopelessness.

Surprise – a feeling of shock due to something perceived as unexpected. (Can be pleasant or unpleasant).

You may note that the eight primary emotions are four pairs of opposites;

Acceptance / Disgust; Fear / Anger; Joy / Sadness; Surprise / Anticipation

These eight emotions can be blended in numerous ways for instance blending joy and acceptance gives us the feeling of love.

Even though we cannot experience opposite emotions at the same time, positive and negative emotions can be blended. Acceptance and Fear leads to submissiveness.