There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily, gradually dwindled down.

He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said …

“You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one …

“You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there. Make sure you control your temper the next time you are tempted to say something you will regret later.”

Author Unknown

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What a fantastic story and lesson!

How many times in your life have you said something in anger wishing you could take it back?

Anger can be a deadly weapon. It can do so much harm – both to yourself and to those around you.

Just as the little boy in the story above learned how to control his anger – YOU TOO can learn to control yours.

Life can be very difficult and it’s not reasonable to expect that you will live in the state of harmony and bliss for the rest of your life. The reality is that in the daily push and pull of your life there are many sources of conflict and anger.

Most people have had lifelong beliefs that conflict and anger are “bad” and should be avoided at all costs. In “How to Handle Conflict and Manage Anger” by Denis Waitley he shows you how to handle conflict and anger productively and to be able to take advantage of the opportunities provided.

The important thing is to not let your anger get the best of you. When that unpleasant feeling starts building up inside of you the best thing to do is to close your eyes, take 3 deep breaths, and think of 5 things that make you very happy …. Could be your spouse, children, grandchildren, a vacation, your house, soaking in the tub, your car, fishing, getting a massage etc…

Your mind can not hold joy and anger at the same time. This gives you a moment to think clearly about the situation and to make better choices.

Start controlling your temper today and live a happier fuller life

Everyone has displayed anger every now and again.  However – If you are consumed with anger and unable to control it – then it might be time to seek professional specializing in anger management. Cognitive therapy may be the answer you’re seeking.

There are times when we all have to control our anger.  We’ll get angry with our kids, spouse, parents, friends and our co-workers.  When we are angry we might take it out on those closest to us.

In Cognitive Therapy, psychologists offer different ways for patients to react to the anger.  For example, they may ask the patient to look at a situation in a more appropriate and positive manner instead of flying off the handle in a negative way.

Cognitive therapy can help in anger management by:

1.  Helping us understand where the anger is coming from
2.  Teaches us how to deal with any given situation in an appropriate manner
3.  Teaches relaxation and visualization techniques to help you relax at the first sign of anger
Example:  If you have a problem with road rage an anger management method you can use is to visualize a circumstance where you would get angry at another motorist.  You would then use the relaxation methods that you learned to get rid of the anger.

Psychologists use these techniques in several ways:

1 Assist patients to become more aware of their anger
2.  Show patients how to avoid situations that would normally anger them
3.  Teaches patients how to recognize exactly what triggers their anger
4.  Offers patients a plan to change the reaction of anger to a more positive reaction

For any anger management program to be effective, it shouldn’t consists of the person ranting about all the things that makes him or her angry.  The therapist should assist you in focusing on the root triggers of your anger and utilizing relaxation techniques.

Cognitive therapy is an effective method to control your anger.  If therapy isn’t for you might want to check out Anger Management – an online Self Paced Self Study Program with exercises and supporting material to help you move towards a normal non-aggressive life.

According to American Heritage Dictionary Feelings are:
An affective state of consciousness, such as that resulting from emotions, sentiments, or desires.

Our feelings in themselves are not good or bad. They just are. You shouldn’t ever let anyone tell you how you should feel about any given circumstance.

Each person reacts to any given situation based on their past experiences. Our emotions are directly related to adaptive behavior and are designed to increase our survival instinct.

According to American psychologist Robert Plutchik every feeling we have is derived from the following eight primary emotions …

Acceptance – the feeling of being liked/loved just as you are. Giving credence to your thoughts, actions and beliefs.

Anger – a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance

Anticipation – a feeling of pleasure (and sometimes anxiety) in considering some expected or longed-for good event, or irritation at having to wait.

Disgust – typically associated with things that are perceived as unclean, inedible or infectious.

Fear – a powerful, unpleasant feeling of risk or danger, either real or imagined.

Joy – a feeling of pleasure; a source of happiness.

Sadness – a state of unhappiness and hopelessness.

Surprise – a feeling of shock due to something perceived as unexpected. (Can be pleasant or unpleasant).

You may note that the eight primary emotions are four pairs of opposites;

Acceptance / Disgust; Fear / Anger; Joy / Sadness; Surprise / Anticipation

These eight emotions can be blended in numerous ways for instance blending joy and acceptance gives us the feeling of love.

Even though we cannot experience opposite emotions at the same time, positive and negative emotions can be blended. Acceptance and Fear leads to submissiveness.