Confidence is something everyone struggles with from time to time. It can be scary to venture out and try something new, be it a new job, a new relationship, beginning a family or moving to a different area. Other life events that may interfere with your level of confidence is ending a relationship, a job that you hate, losing a job and kids going off to college.

Life is ALL about change. Nothing is the same today as it was yesterday. This is why you will never be 100 percent confident — there’s always something new or different to learn and try. The sad thing is that there confidence busters that can keep you stuck and prevent you from growing to your full potential. Be aware of them and turn them around to be confident boosters instead …

Top 5 Confidence Busters

Feeling Out of Control

Do you lack confidence because you feel out of control? Most of us are “trained” to believe that life just happens. Some people are lucky and some are not. We are told that people over 50 can’t get jobs, that the economy is bad – the unemployment rate is high, there are no good men (or women) left out there, that life is hard work etc. With these beliefs cemented in your subconscious, you live day to day reacting to circumstances and people around you.

The TRUTH is that YOU do have control. Your reality – what you see around you – is based on your beliefs and your perceptions. Once you realize this, you begin thinking thoughts and taking actions that create the reality you want. For instance if you are in a job that you hate, there is no reason for you to stay there a minute longer than necessary – All that is required is for you to determine what you want to do, the steps to get there and taking action everyday, such as taking night classes to learn skills needed, completing applications, talking to people in the field you want to be in and when the time is right, you will be able to say good-bye to the job you hate and begin one that you enjoy. The alternative is to do nothing and go to work day after day at a job you despise while it is killing the flame inside of you.

You feel out of control because you are looking at the outside – the circumstance, instead look inside at your passions and your desires and listen to your inner-voice. By following your heart and taking action, you will soon see that you are indeed in control of your life.

Expecting Perfection

Perfection is a myth. It is unattainable. There is no one perfect, yet we are all perfect in our imperfections. Believing that you need to be perfect and that mistakes are not an option can bust your confidence all to pieces. Every time you do something you see all the flaws and none of the beauty in what you have created. You may compare your work to other peoples work and constantly condemn your own. It’s hard to accept compliments because you feel it’s not perfect.

The TRUTH is that you are perfect just the way you are. You are the sum total of all of your thoughts and experiences up to this point. Stop getting in your own way by expecting perfection. Do you see the flaws in other people as much as you see them in yourself? Probably not. Something to remember is that other people do not expect perfectionism from you.

Procrastination

All procrastination is – is an excuse not to do what you know in your heart needs to be done in order for you to achieve success. You probably procrastinate because you are afraid of failure or success. If you don’t begin then no one can judge you. If you don’t begin then you don’t need to be concerned about it being perfect.

The TRUTH is that you are worthy of success, of love, of achieving your dreams. Face your fears with one small baby step, then another and another. If you think back, you will more than likely think of many times, that you were afraid to start something or thought that it would be boring, after taking the first step, you picked up momentum and had a pleasurable time and enjoyed the final outcome. Remember every journey – no matter how small – begins with the first step.

The Past

A person that is constantly thinking of the past, is living in the past. This also includes replaying happy times over and over in your head. If you are constantly wishing “life was like it used to be,” or “I should’ve, could’ve done or said this,” you are surrendering to something that you truly have no control of – the past. The past is gone. It can not be changed or altered in any way shape or form.

The TRUTH is that by conditioning yourself to look at the present moment, you can and will create a brighter future. Instead of dwelling on past fights, look at what is around you right this second, and remember that “All is Well!”. Use this mantra or a similar one, when you begin to fret about the past. Get out a piece of paper and write down 10 things you are grateful for, right this moment. Live in the NOW, it is all that you have.

Negative Thinking

Be aware of your thoughts. Negative thinking will never get you anywhere good. If you constantly think that you are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, capable enough … you will continue to bring unwanted things into your life, due to your deep rooted belief that you are not worthy of good things. If you constantly think “My husband doesn’t care for me, he ignores me, doesn’t enjoy my company” etc, you will act in a way that will cause him not to want to be around you. Your thoughts create your words and actions and your actions affect everyone and everything around you.

The TRUTH is that you can change your thinking. Just be aware of your thoughts and when a negative thought comes up, replace it with a positive one. You may also want to get out a pen and paper and list every negative thought you can think of and then consciously rewrite it in the positive. Another idea is to periodically check in on your thoughts and write down exactly what you are thinking. It’s almost miraculous the way things seem to change around you once you begin focusing on the positive within you and the positive in other people and things.

Simply put procrastination is putting something off till later. It’s deciding not to do something at that given moment. Overtime people begin to procrastinate out of habit.

It’s interesting to note the origin of the word. It comes from the Latin words pro and cras, which can be translated as “Belong to Tomorrow“.

There are several reasons why people procrastinate. It could be fear of failure or success; lack of knowledge, time or resources; or we simply just don’t want to do it.

Don’t fool yourself that important things can be put off till tomorrow;
they can be put off forever, or not at all.
Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

The Rationale Behind Our Procrastination …

* Difficult – We perceive it as difficult – such as losing weight, quitting smoking, exercising, or that major project …

* Overwhelming – We are overwhelmed – This is usually because of either the mental or physical clutter around the task. We think it’s going to take forever to complete.

* Boring – Yawnnn. We are not interested in doing it. We don’t’ want to do it. This could be menial tasks such as filing, housecleaning, maintenance on a vehicle, feeding the dog

I only mention feeding the dog, because when my son was about 6 or 7 he thought feeding the dogs was so boring. We’d send him outside to feed the dogs – he’d be gone for an hour, come back in the house, we’d ask “Did you feed the dogs?” He’d say “Ooops, I forgot.”

* Complex – The task is long term and has a lot of steps, such as a long complicated project like writing a book, building a house, building a business. You may begin this task with good intentions, but you soon lose focus, tire and give up – you’re putting it off, Why?

* Indecision – we just can’t make up our mind what we want to do. This can be good and bad – my husband likes to research all of the pros and cons before he makes a decision.

* Perfectionism – We put it off until we can do it perfectly. It’s time to stop trying to be perfect.  Once you do, you’ll be amazed at how much you can accomplish! This used to be me …

I remember one Christmas when I was 6 years old that I had to sweep the floor for over an hour till it met my dad’s approval. Another time I vacuumed the living room for 3 solid hours under my dad’s critical eye. This gave me some weird cleaning quirks. My family calls it Cindy Clean. When I first got married, my house was either filthy or spotless, because I wouldn’t clean it unless I knew I had the time to do it perfectly. (Thank God, I’ve grown a lot since then!)

If you procrastinate it doesn’t mean you lazy, undisciplined, or irresponsible. Don’t let negative self talk get you down. If you’re in the habit of procrastinating You can Learn “How to Stop Procrastination” with this course written by one of the worlds leading experts.

12 Steps to Stop Procrastination

1. Get Organized – If you’re living with clutter get rid of it! It’s easy to let things pile up in today’s hectic world. For some quite tips on organization check out The Definitive Guide to Home Organization for Busy People written by one of the worlds leading experts.

2. Keep All Your Projects and Goals in One Place – You need to have a notebook or file on your computer where you keep these in. Make it something simple that you will and can refer to. List all your goals and projects i.e.: Lose 20 pounds, Remodel bathroom, write business plan, clean out your junk drawer or junk room.

3. Prioritize – Now that you have ALL your projects in one place, you need to prioritize them. What’s the most important thing for you to do first, second etc. While prioritizing you may want to keep in mind how long the task might take. If something is going to take one day, you may want to place that above and item that will take a month.

4. Schedule Blocks of Time to Work – this must be a time that you can focus 100% on the task at hand.

5. Know Your Desired Outcome – What is your objective? What are you trying to achieve? How will it benefit you? What will it look/feel/taste like?

6. Be Realistic – Any goal you set for yourself needs to be realistic. If you don’t believe it can be done, then you’ll not be able to do it – because your subconscious will not allow you to.

7. Give Yourself a Deadline – Don’t expect to lose 30 pounds in a month, build a business in a week, or remodel your kitchen in a weekend. Realistically determine how long it should take you and set your deadline. If absolutely needed, you can always extend it, but you’ll discover with proper scheduling this will be rare.

8. One Bite at a Time – Anything can be accomplished when you focus on one small bite at a time. Create a list of everything single action needed to accomplish your goal. Then begin working on one little thing at a time.

9. Complete Unpleasant Tasks First – Many people find that once they do the unpleasant it’s much easier to focus on the rest. Brian Tracy explains this concept clearly in his book Eat That Frog.

10. Discipline Yourself – Complete one task before going on to the next. Don’t let anything or anyone distract you. Like the phone, the TV, the computer, Email, YouTube, or surfing the web.

11. Its Finished – Once it’s done it’s done. Don’t obsess over it. Don’t spend time trying to tweak it or perfect it. Let it be. If absolutely necessary you can always change it later.

12. Just Do It – Get started now! – Ok I know this could’ve/should’ve been #1, but so many people will plan – plan -plan and never get started. So now that you know the steps GET BUSY.

Reward yourself after you complete a task. This could be something as simple as a warm cinnamon roll and a cup of coffee, to a long soak in the tub, or watching your favorite TV show or game. The most menial tasks are more bearable when you have something to look forward to.

I tried to climb the mountain today. But, It was so hot outside, I thought I had better stay in my nice air-conditioned house and rest up for tomorrow’s attempt.

I tried to climb the mountain today. On my journey, darkness started to fall and I was full of fear, so I had to return to a safe place.

I was ready to climb the mountain today. But I had so may other things to do, so instead of climbing the mountain I took care of the much more important tasks; I washed my car, mowed the grass and watched the big game. Today the mountain will have to wait.

I was going to climb the mountain today. But as I stared at the mountain in all it’s majestic beauty, I knew I had no chance of making it to the top, so I figured why even begin trying.

I had forgotten about climbing the mountain today, until an old friend came by and asked what I was up to lately. I told him about all my plans to climb that mountain someday. I went on and on about how I was going to accomplish the task.

He stopped me and said …

“I just got back from climbing that mountain. for the longest time I told myself I was going to try to climb it but never made any progress.”

“I almost let the dream of making it to the top die. I came up with every excuse of why I could not make it up the mountain, but never once did I give myself a reason why I could. One day as I stared at the mountain and pondered, I realized that if I didn’t make an attempt at this dream all my dreams would eventually die.”

“The next morning, I started my climb. It was not easy, and at times I wanted to quit.
But no matter what I faced, I placed one foot in front of the other, keeping a steady pace.
When the wind tried to blow me over the edge, I kept walking.
When the voices inside my head screamed, stop!
I focused on my goal, never letting it out of sight.
I kept moving forward. I could not quit because I knew I had come too far to stop now.
Time and time again, I reassured myself that I was going to finish this journey.
I struggled mightily to make it to the top, but I CLIMBED THE MOUNTAIN.”

“I have to be going,” my friend said. “Tomorrow is a new day to accomplish more dreams. By the way what are you going to do tomorrow?”

I looked at him, with intensity and confidence in my eyes, and said, “I HAVE A MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB.”

Author unknown

So often people have their dreams and goals. They have that mountiain to climb. Instead of getting busy climbing it they come up with every excuse in the book not to do it. Sure some are valid excuses. They may even be clear obstacles – but you can overcome any obstacle if your desire is strong enough.

If you truly want to achieve your dreams and goals then you better get busy achieving them. Enjoy the journey. Focus on path ahead and the positive feelings that come with each step. Once you’ve reached the top of the mountain you’ll see a whole new land of opportunities!

What mountain are you trying to climb?
What fears and obstacles are holding you back?
What are you willing to do to overcome these fears and obstacles?

[tags]Procrastination, Excuses, Obstacles[/tags]