Have you ever been hurt so badly that you thought you’d never come out on the other side?

Perhaps you’re still holding onto that grief. If you are, then it’s time to learn how to let go of past pain. You deserve to let it go and learn how to move forward with your life.

Holding onto past pain and anguish is a kind of self-inflicted torture that can cause serious health risks as well as emotional scarring. The truth is, when you cling to the past, you’re internally changing your present.

How can something you’ve kept inside for so long just be let go? It’s not an easy task, but it can be done with a little effort and self-reflection.

Here are some ways you can let go of past pain and disappointment, so you can move forward with your head held high:

1. Know what’s holding you back. What are you holding onto and why? Identify the things you’re keeping inside that you shouldn’t be.

* For example, maybe your best friend betrayed you in a way that broke your trust. Recognize this and figure out a way to finally deal with it. Get in touch with them again, then explain the pain they’ve caused.

* They may not even be aware they did anything to upset you. Whether or not they apologize isn’t important. While it may be nice, you can’t control others or force them to say sorry. However, by simply voicing your feelings, you are finding closure from the hurtful situation.

* Getting closure on something that was left open-ended can make a huge difference in letting things go.

2. Talk it out. If the person who caused the hurt is still in your life, talk to them about the way they made you feel. If that person isn’t available, try to talk to a close friend or professional therapist about the situation.

* Getting your emotions out in the open can help you get over any resentment or anger you may be feeling. Bottling up your emotions is never a good thing. Let it all out in a constructive way and you’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel.

3. Forgive and forget. It may sound easier said than done, but forgiving someone who has hurt you can be extremely therapeutic. Strive to let things stay in the past and don’t allow them to affect your present.

* Once you learn to forgive the people who’ve caused your pain, you will find it far easier to heal and move on with your life.

4. Make the first move. You’re in charge of your pain. You’re the one who carries it around with you and you’re the only one who can change its intensity. It’s up to you to take control of the pain and take the first step towards making yourself feel better.

* Acknowledge that your pain is real and that a positive solution exists.

* Confront the cause of the pain and do everything in your power to get rid of it.

The best way to move forward is to forgive the past. If you can’t change the past, you might as well learn to accept it and move on. You’ll be glad you did once you see just how bright your future can be when you regain control of your life.

Make the conscious decision, today, to live your life free from pain and resentment.

This fact does not excuse men to from not talk. It is the men who “clam up” and refuse to talk. There are also cases where men who do more talking than women, just as there are cases where it is the women who talk a lot as well as those women who do not wish to talk a lot.

There is actually no clear cut or fool proof way to judge who should do more of the talking or who should do less. It is primarily not about gender but about the individual themselves.

Communication is a vital part of any relationship. Openness and honesty is a key ingredient to maintaining a kind of memorable relationship that is mutually loving and emotionally comfortable.

The following are tips and possible activities one can do to get yourself or your partner to talk his/her heart out, and share voluntarily any fears and insecurities that either feels. Conversation helps partners form a solid bond that will not be easily eroded.

Ask and you shall receive

The best and simplest way to get a person to talk is by asking a question.

It is best if the partner asks his/her partner how the day went or how they feel.

Often it is best that partners ask each these questions after hours they have been apart most of the day; after work or after a long business trip, etc.

But do not forget it is also important to ask sincerely looking straight into their eyes. Ask how he or she is feeling or has he/she experienced something they want to share? Sometimes the partner may not want to talk. Relax, let it be and be patient. Relationships are nurtured by respecting each others decision – everything has its own proper time and place. Do not force it.

Let him or her finish

A very annoying habit some partners have is finishing the other partner’s sentences. Though you may have good intentions, when you think you are helping, the fact is – doing so creates the impression that the partner is getting impatient with the verbally challenged approach to sentence construction. The partner being corrected could either find this act rude.

Go with the flow. Trust your partner’s judgment and verbal prowess. He or she will thank you for it in the long run.

Stop, look and listen

The most important advice anyone could receive is irrelevant if the one receiving the advice is not listening. They key to communication is in listening just as much as it is in the talking.

One partner sometimes gets the other to talk by simply listening intently to what the other is saying. This gives the impression that what the other is saying is important. Verbal signals are just as important as non-verbal ones. Active listening is a good practice any time. It breaks down barriers and puts down any or all reservations one partner may have. But do not just listen, value what the other partner is saying. All it really takes is an ear and a heart to validate anothers existence.

In summary, fears and insecurities are a part of everyone’s psyche. All one has to do is to share it in order to lighten any emotional load he or she may be carrying. But it is also similarly important that the one it is being shared with is listening and genuinely cares what the other is talking about. Sharing makes everyone human and humane. And it is a valuable gift that both women and men must cherish.

Have you ever experienced a series of very favorable things which made you want to be good to people for a week?

At that time, your bucket was full.

A bucket can be filled by a lot of things that happen.

When a person speaks to you, recognizing you as a human being, your bucket is filled a little. Even more if he calls you by name, especially if it is the name you like to be called. If he compliments you on your dress or on a job well done, the level in your bucket goes up still higher.

There must be a million ways to raise the level in another’s bucket. Writing a friendly letter, remembering something that is special to him, knowing the names of his children, expressing sympathy for his loss, giving him a hand when his work is heavy, taking time for conversation, or, perhaps more important, listing to him.

When one’s bucket is full of this emotional support, one can express warmth and friendliness to people. But, remember, this is a theory about a bucket and a dipper.

Other people have dippers and they can get their dippers in your bucket.

This, too, can be done in a million ways.

Lets say I am at a dinner and inadvertently upset a glass of thick, sticky chocolate milk that spills over the table cloth, on a lady’s skirt, down onto the carpet. I am embarrassed. “Bright Eyes” across the table says, “You upset that glass of chocolate milk.” I made a mistake, I know I did, and then he told me about it! He got his dipper in my bucket!

Think of the times a person makes a mistake, feels terrible about it, only to have someone tell him about the known mistake (“Red pencil” mentality!)

Buckets are filled and buckets are emptied.

Emptied many times because people don’t really think about what are doing. When a person’s bucket is emptied, he is very different than when it is full. You say to a person whose bucket is empty, “That is a pretty tie you have,” and he may reply in a very irritated, defensive manner.

Although there is a limit to such an analogy, there are people who seem to have holes in their buckets. When a person has a hole in his bucket, he irritates lots of people by trying to get his dipper in their buckets. This is when he really needs somebody to pour it in his bucket because he keeps losing.

The story of our lives is the interplay of the bucket and the dipper. Everyone has both.

The unyielding secret of the bucket and the dipper is that when you fill another’s bucket it does not take anything out of your own bucket. The level in our own bucket gets higher when we fill another’s, and, on the other hand, when we dip into another’s bucket we do not fill our own … we lose a little.

For a variety of reasons, people hesitate filling the bucket of another and consequently do not experience the fun, joy, happiness, fulfillment, and satisfaction connected with making another person happy. Some reasons for this hesitancy are that people think it sounds “fakey,” or the other person will be suspicious of the motive, or it is “brown-nosing.”

Therefore, let us put aside our dipper and resolve to touch someone’s life in order to fill their bucket.

Author Unknown

After being together for several years, married couples often become so used to each other that they both forget to spice up their marriage with romance.
Get 101 Romantic Tips
by Michael Web For FREE! (no email required)
The secret to a happy and healthy marriage is to re-vitalize it by constantly thinking of new ways to show love and appreciation to each other. Think of ways that you can make your spouse feel how important they are to you.

5 Tips to ReIntroduce Romance Into Your Marriage:

1. Reminisce About the Good Times …

Remember all the happy times you had together. Turn bad times around by remembering the love and happiness you shared during the good times.

Take walks together and talk about funny things that happened – laugh together. Walks are great to keep the communication open and improve your relationship.

2. Relive the Happy Times

If you had a fantastic first date – why not relive it?
My first date with Mike was breakfast at Denny’s and then miniature golfing. Every few years, Mike will surprise me by taking me to the same exact places again. Its fun and it’s romantic!

Visit the romantic vacation spot where you celebrated your honeymoon or anniversary.

3. Court Your Spouse

Schedule regular dates. Having some “alone time” can really liven things up a bit and put the romance back into your marriage.

It’s important to spend time alone … Away from your kids, your house and your work. It’s time to concentrate on making each other feel good.

4. Compliment Your Spouse

Nobody ever turns a good compliment down. As a couple, freely complimenting each other – and doing this often – would help put the romance back into your married life.

Also, over the years, you tend to overlook the basic things like thanking our spouse for a favor done, or complimenting her on looking great or saying I love you.

If you just go back to basics and not forget these simple courtesies, you will have a more respectful relationship that you both will be contented with.

5. Take Care of Yourself

One of the most effective and sure fire ways to put romance back into your married life is by improving your appearance. If you have had your hair done in a certain style for years, why not try to change it to look a little different?

Having your partner see you in a new light will may put the passion back into your marriage.

All in all, you still need to “work” on keeping your marriage strong and alive.

Pick up your free copy of 101 Romantic Tips by Michael Web (no email required)

Children BELIEVE everything their parents tell them –
Whether it’s true or not!

Toddlers cannot determine the difference between
A “Joke” and the “Truth”.

The other day I was sitting in the doctors office and there was a little girl maybe about 18 months old toddling around. She kept falling.

Every time she would fall down her mother would laugh and say
“You are such a Klutz!”

Without exaggerating – I honestly believe the mom said this to her daughter about 5 times during the half hour period we were in the lobby.

I cringed every time she told her daughter “You are such a klutz!”  ….

I wanted to jump up and shout
“Why are you telling this precious child that she is a klutz?”
But instead, I decided to stay quiet.

For the life of me, I can never understand why parents tell their small children things like …

• “You’re a klutz”
• “You’re stupid”
• “You’re no good”
• “You’re to slow”

I also cannot understand why parents think that it’s so funny to have their small children say and do things that are/should be totally unacceptable – Such as …

• “Go hit your mom”
• “Tell your dad to shut up”
• “Beat up your sister”
• “Your mom is stupid”
• “You don’t have to listen to your dad”

What are you thinking when you say and do these things???

Think for just a moment …

• How would you feel if someone told you these things?
• Will this behavior be just as cute when your child is 13?

If you continue to tell your child these things, Chances are your child will grow up to be exactly what you’ve been telling them. The little girl at the doctors office will grow up to be a klutz. After all she’s been told that she’s a klutz her whole life.

The child that has been told they are stupid their whole life will do terrible in school. They will not feel capable of getting good grades because they believe they are stupid – regardless of how intelligent they really are.

You’re probably saying …

• “Yeah, right, What about all the successful people like Einstein who was told he was so dumb that he could never have a decent career.”

Or

• “I was told I was stupid and I turned out ok.”

First off Einstein was an exception to the rule. He had an innate ability to believe in himself and to overcome what others were saying. And no one really knows what kind of mental anguish he may have gone through.

Second, Are you really ok? What did you do to  overcome the negative remarks made to you?

Do you want your children to go through all the self doubt and challenges you did?

Of course you don’t!

If you want to know the secret to raising super kids – Be sure to pick up your copy of
“How to raise happy confident children” by Brian Tracy today.

You’ll learn

• Four behaviors of effective parenting
• How to raise responsible children
• How to communicate with your children on a deeper level
• How to help your child achieve higher grades in school
• How to raise high achievers
• How to help your children stay drug-free
• To manage your time so family comes first
• How to raise super kids

Don’t leave it to chance that your children will overcome the negativity they are forced to deal with day in and day out.
And please don’t say negative remarks to your children!

Your child may not be as fortunate as the Top Motivational Speaker “Les Brown” He was labeled as “Mentally Retarded” by his schoolteachers …

His life was Transformed while in high school when one of his teachers quoted the following Simple Sentence …

“Someone else’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality”

A good relationship each person will give – without expecting anything in return. The expectations of the other person aren’t set too high. You love yourself and you love your partner.

You need to build your relationship on a solid foundation. I believe that foundation is Friendship. Your partner should be your best friend. A person you enjoy being around – talking, laughing, sharing and dreaming together.

However some relationships can become unhealthy; For instance - By allowing your love to become an addiction. If you become too dependent on the other person or if it is based on one person controlling the other – either physically or mentally.

A relationship is like a street built for two people to walk side by side: if one of you walks ahead or lags behind, what you have is a master and slave relationship, not something built on love.

A Good Loving Healthy relationship is possible. It does take some work, but the reward is well worth it. I recommend reading 1000 Questions For Couples by Relationship Expert Michael Webb.

Asking these questions will help you really get to know the thoughts, feelings and desires of your mate. You’ll know what makes them happy as well as what irritates them.

5 Habits for a Committed Relationship

1. Be Sensitive
Be aware of the other person feelings. Tune into their emotions. Know that you can’t fix everything for them. Don’t’ say things that will hurt them. Listen to them and empathize. When your partner is happy be happy with them. When they are sad, comfort them.

2. Be Understanding
Understand that your partner has a right to their own opinion. Don’t force your beliefs on them. Keep an open mind – and you might just learn a thing or two. Learn to “Agree to disagree”.

3. Listen
Listen intently. Know their body language as well. Often times body language can tell you if a person is upset, nervous or uncomfortable. Repeat what your partner says to be sure that you understand what they are saying – so you’ll both be on the same page.

4. Lighten Up
Inject fun and humor into your relationship. Be spontaneous. Play games. Try new things together. Laugh together. Have Fun!!!

5. Respect
Respect your partner as an equal. Their opinions and belies should be just as important to you as your own are. You should walk side by side. Make decisions together. Never ever put each other down. You should put your partner first – above all others.

Grandparents are our past. Without them, we simply wouldn’t be.

They have a lifetime of experience and knowledge behind them. It’s amazing the simple life lessons you can learn – just by listening to them.

It’s truly a shame that in today’s fast paced world so many people don’t take the time to be with their grandparents.

So many children today don’t know how much fun grandparents can be.

I’d like to share with you the lesson Grandma taught me …

My Grandma Bader taught me the value of “It’s the thought that counts”.

Grandma always sent us a beautiful card for our birthday. It was very personalized .. “To my granddaughter (grandson, and even for my children she found great-grandchildren cards. It always amazes me the cards she picked out!). In the card she always enclosed a gift of $2.00

Now being a child I was thrilled with getting money! A few days before my 10th birthday, I was talking to Grandma on the phone. I asked her “Have you sent my $2.00 yet?”

Needless to say my Mom and Grandma weren’t very happy with me. Mom told me I wasn’t even going to get a card after being so rude. Mom told me that I should be thankful and happy that Grandma loved me enough to send a card.

A few days later I got a card in the mail – it was just an ordinary card that said “Happy Birthday”. It didn’t say to my granddaughter. It didn’t contain money. And worst of all it was just signed Grandma, not even “Love Grandma.”

I was heart-broken. I cried and cried for hours. I thought I lost Grandma’s love.

About two weeks after my birthday, I got the card, with the $2.00. The money didn’t matter to me. It was the card, it was the signature “Love Grandma”.

I spend many summers with Grandma growing up. She was always loving and kind – in her own stern way.

She was born in 1901 and seen a lot in her life!

She always kept her mind sharp by reading, doing puzzles, and helping out at her local Salvation Army.

She passed away in 1992. There’s not a day that goes by, that I don’t have loving thoughts of her. I was truly blessed!

(1980, My daughter, Mom, Grandma, Me)

Today is Grandparents Day!

Show your grandparents you care. Visit them, take them to dinner, give them a call! Most of all, make a habit of Loving your grandparents.

Besides your time the best give you can give them are personalized gifts – Like this beautiful God Created Grandmothers Afghan.

To ALL Grandparents – I’d like to wish a great BIG
“Happy Grandparents Day”

It’s important to focus on relationships with your family – as well as your friends. Too often we treat our friends our better or with more compassion than those we say we love the most.

Relationships with family require friendship as well. Learn to be a friend to your loved ones and you’ll reap great rewards that you might not have known existed.

Here are 10 Tips to Building a Strong Relationship that will last a lifetime:

1. TRUST
Trust your family and friends. Trust that they have your best interest in mind and are not out to get you. Trust that they will do right by you. If there is someone in your life that you don’t trust … Should they be in your life? In return you should be trustworthy. Be sure not to do harm to those you love.

2. HONESTY
Honesty really is the best policy. When you’re honest with yourself and others you are a person that others look up to with respect. You don’t have to remember lies that you told people. And the truth rarely comes back to bite you.

3. TIME
Spend time with your loved ones and friends. Spending time with one another strengthens relationships. Be sure to remind your loved ones and friends how glad you are to have them in your life.

4. FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness benefits you in two ways. First off you reduce stress by forgiving those that have wronged you. Second it gives those you forgive peace of mind and a chance to grow. Be sure to forgive yourself as well!

5. COMPROMISE
Life is full of compromise. When you learn to give as well as take, you’re building a strong foundation. After all, no one ever gets their own way all of the time. A trait of true friendship is the ability to compromise.

6. AGREE
Agree to disagree. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. Believe it or not, your opinion is not always right for someone else. Don’t waste time and energy fighting over things that will never be resolved. Know what is worth fighting over and what is not.

7. COMMUNICATE
If you don’t spend time talking and really listening to someone – How are you ever going to get to really know them? To know what makes them tick? By keeping honest and open communication at all times – the stronger you’ll be for it.

8. LISTEN
Learn to actively listen. Realize that sometimes people just need to talk their feelings out. They don’t expect or want you to fix their problems – just be there to listen – without criticism or judging.

9. LOVE
Love unconditionally. This doesn’t mean that you agree or condone another’s actions. It just means that you will love them – regardless of the mistakes they make. Don’t put conditions on your love. After all true love sees no borders and knows no boundaries.

10. LEARN
Learn from your mistakes. Change yourself when needed. Know that you are the only person you have the ability to change. So if something needs fixing in a relationship – look to see what you can change about yourself. Learn what it takes to be a good friend.

By regularly practicing the above 10 tips to building a good relationship, you’ll find that you will be surrounded people who love and respect you. Being a true friend is a priceless gift.

It seems when someone passes away it brings on a whole new wave of emotions both old and new. 

Their are 5 stages of grief that we go through when someone passes away. 1. Denial and Isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.

My brother was an alcoholic.  Ultimately it was the alcohol that killed him. I think I was stuck in the “Anger” stage the longest. Angry that he choose to go down the wrong path and not utilize all the fantastic gifts he had.  

Sometimes when a loved one dies, we feel guilt.  I felt a lot of guilt after my brother died.  Guilt that I didn’t do something to help him.  I know that he put the bottle in his own hands – but at the time I kept thinking if I would have said or done something that maybe I could have changed things.  This is really an odd thought if you think about it logically – because we do not have the power to control another human being.

During my depressed states I would remember the abuse we suffered as children.  My brother got the worst of the abuse and I being 4 years younger witnessed most of it.  Read How Alcohol killed my brother.

Going back to work and settling into your normal routine really helps the grieving process.

A few days after I returned to work I was having a rather bad/sad day. I was remembering some abuse my brother suffered as a child at the hands of my father …

A co-worker saw my pain, talked to me for a few minutes and then sent me the following note:

Cindy

Sometimes I have been so down here and you have brought me up when I have really needed it. Just a hug or a smile or a goofy little remark from you has always lightened the load I was carrying on that particular day.

So in a way your childhood trauma has benefited me, it has made you super sensitive to peoples pain.

I just wanted to give you affirmation as to “things happen for a reason”. I think you are one of the most wonderful people I have met in my life; You care so passionately about the things that REALLY MATTER in life.

I just wanted to say thank you for being a bright spot in my life.

Tracy

I share this with you in hopes that you too – will lighten someone’s load some day.

We all go through trials – and knowing someone cares and appreciates you can really brighten your day. Try to lighten someones load each day of your life…