Three Faces of Negative Self Esteem
It is believed that direct or indirect messages that we received from our parents may contribute to the development of our feelings. As children we are often labeled in our family.
We might be identified as smart, funny, and sensitive, lazy or superior – just to name a few. As we grow we either accept or doubt our parents perceptions of us thus creating self-esteem issues.
Here are three common faces of low self-esteem:
The Imposter:
This person seems to be happy and successful to the outside world. However, he or she is engulfed with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
They don’t believe they are deserving of their success. They believe it was due to luck and chance instead of their capabilities.
They are often driven by the fear of failure. They are terrified that they will be found out as a fraud. This can lead to feelings of depression and anxiety.
Imposters come from all walks of life – Regardless of your career, wealth, gender, race or age.
The Rebel:
This person appears to have the, “Who the heck cares” attitude. They often say they don’t care what others think – but deep inside they never seem to feel good enough.
They live in constant anger. A constant need to prove that other peoples opinions don’t hurt.
They blame others excessively for everything that’s wrong in their lives. Sometimes this can lead to them breaking rules or laws – fighting any authority figure.
The Victim:
This person seems to live in continuous crisis. They consistently look to others for guidance, support, love and a feeling of self-worth.
They are waiting to be rescued. And are unable or unwilling to take responsibility for their life.
They are afraid of making their own decisions. They lack assertiveness and are often times under-achievers.
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I am a male. I stumbled across this page whilst searching for “negative self-esteem”. None of the sites found, including yours, seems to understand the word “negative” – “negative self-esteem” is NOT “low self-esteem”. I have two younger sisters who feel exactly the way I do, so it’s not gender-specific. N.E.S. is what it says – it is far worse than “out of balance” self-esteem. The main symptom is a tendency to demean oneself to an unbelievable degree in seeking the approval of others; this same behaviour is recognised and despised at the same time by the sufferer, who castigates her or himself even further thus creating a downward spiral. One of my sisters accurately described it as a “superior inferiority complex”. Hence your perception of arrogance in the tone of this e-mail.
A.J.B. Thanks for your comments – I however still believe that “negative self esteem” is indeed a low self esteem. Negative is the reverse of postive.
I myself went through years of having a negative self esteem. Heck, I used to call up my husband to “ask his permission” to call in sick if I was ill. I was constantly seeking the approval and understanding of others. I understand the downward spiral. I also know from personal experience, that once I began to develop a positive self-esteem, my life began improving.
Dear Cindy,
Thank you for your kind consideration of my remarks: I must insist, however, that “negative self esteem” as an interchangeable term with “low self esteem” is incorrect and misleading. I suspect the positive and negative terms are used to avoid references to “high self esteem” and the negative (pardon the pun) impression implicit with the phrase; “I have high self esteem” carries a ring of arrogance. I accept and agree that negative is the reverse of positive. I am pleased and envious that you have developed what you and apparently everyone else terms a positive self esteem, i.e. you have improved and raised your previously-low self esteem. The “positive” and “negative” terminology is inadequate in describing and recognising what is actually happening. Where the misunderstanding lies is that low self esteem is, in fact, still “positive”, albeit minimal, damaged and suffering, which can be nurtured and restored if treated correctly. Successful raising of one’s low self esteem is thus dependent on the positive vestiges that still exist within a person’s psyche. Imagine it as a sliding scale – the middle point is “balanced” self esteem, NOT zero self esteem. Go further “down” the scale, beyond “low” – at the end is NO self esteem; further still and we’re in what I now term, in order to avoid confusion with the ambiguity of the accepted form, “TRUE negative self esteem”. This dark area is, indeed, the reverse of positive and, in fact can be misconstrued as arrogance, not only by others but by oneself . It is an area beyond a tendency towards suicidal thoughts – e.g. “I cannot commit suicide because of the pain and sorrow it would cause to those around me”; how arrogant to assume that they would feel this way! A.J.B.
Hi A.J.B. and Cindy. Just wanted to join in the conversation. I too looked up “negative self-esteem” and am surprised at the number of articles that come up regarding “low-self esteem.” The reason I began to search using this terminology was because my teacher asked for me to find an article that discusses how high or positive-self esteem my be a bad or “negative” thing. I have all types of ideas in my head (acting out of celebrities, the message cosmetic surgery represents, etc.), but needed an article that explains it well. Cindy, as much as I understand your understanding of the terminology and am touched by your story, I would have to agree that to categorize negative self-esteem as “low-self esteem” is incorrect because of the fact that “high-self esteem” can produce negative outcomes….making it negative, not low.
I was just reading this for a school project that i have. But i agree with cindy negetive self esteem is low. I think everyone should at least be fair and treat others like they would want to be trearted. TY for listening.
K so i also agree with Scarlet and Cindy no offense A.J.B.But srsly this is stupid. I seen people beat up other people on the streets demanding things from them. I’m a strong guy but but not really really strong. What i’m trying to say there is that if people r strong they should at least go help the person who r getting there ass kicked. I did that but i got sent to the hospital for 12 days ugh i still remember. If its a gang fight don’t get involed. So yeah basically its negative self esteem for the people getting beaten up. Esp i agree with Scarlet people should treat other like they wanted to be treated. Well thx for listening.
K so i also agree with Cindy no offense A.J.B.But srsly this is stupid. I seen people beat up other people on the streets demanding things from them. I’m a strong guy but but not really really strong. What i’m trying to say there is that if people r strong they should at least go help the person who r getting there ass kicked. I did that but i got sent to the hospital for 12 days ugh i still remember. If its a gang fight don’t get involed. So yeah basically its negative self esteem for the people getting beaten up. I srsly think that people should treat others like they wanted to be treated. Well thx for listening.
Srsly Jack thats crazy sent to the hospital woah. Anyways i just wanna say negative self esteem is low self esteem.